I hate Disney Los Angeles, California - 14th September 1999

Okay - I admit it from the start: it was a mistake to go to Disneyland. I should have known better. Why? Because everyone knows that it is not what you would call a single club.

But I was a single. I was there all alone.

Nobody plans to go to Disneyland all alone, nor did I. My plan was to visit Disneyland with my girlfriend. My fiancee. Or, as some referred to her: my wife. But then she decided to brake up - and there I was, with my Disney Tour Package all set up and paid.
Stubborn as I am, I decided to go, anyway. Especially since there was no possibility for a refund.

It was a torture.

"Happiest place on earth", eh? Do you have any idea how many happy families are around Disney? How many couples which are hugging each other every fifth second or so? If you have been dumped a few weeks ago, this sight is not your definition of a place where you want to be. And it does not make you happy for sure.

So, can you imagine how I felt? Shiny, happy people all around - but the more Disney tried, the more miserable I felt.

But as oh so often, God really hated me. And there's nothing like kicking a man who is already lying on the ground.

We are in California, remember? And if there is anything that I learned about Californians, it is that they can be pretty talkative. Especially when standing in a line.
"Isn't this a *happy* place?" said some woman behind be in order to start a conversation.
"Uh-hu." I grinded back.
"All those loving couples ...", she went on.
I was part of a couple, once. I can remember it all too vividly - I liked it.
"... with their cute children..."
I like kids. I would have not minded having some of my own.
"Yesterday, I talked to some newlyweds. They ... blablabla..."
I was planning to ask my ex-girlfriend if she wanted to marry me. Looks like she had a little surprise for me as well.
"Say - where's your company. Or are you here all by yourself?" that woman kept on speaking.
O.K. - that does it.
I turned around and ordered her: "Drop dead!"

Suddenly, it was very silent around me.

But it was too late. The damage has already been done. Up until that point, there was hope. I could spot an occasional single woman here and there. But now, after that stupid monologue, there were couples all over the place.
And I could not stop thinking about what I would do, if I were in this park together with my ex. I even started looking at things with here eyes. I saw how much she would have liked "It's a small world" or how much she would have been scared by that "Honey, I shrunk the audience"-3D-show.

I walked around Disney like the guy who stole christmas.

And I started getting paranoid as well. Why is every Disney person I meet asking whether I was having fun? Were they monitoring me as a potential thread? I will propably get banned sooner or later.

Luckily, Disney is not 100% couples. There are a few rides that were too wild for a few women and most kids.
I always had a knack for roller-coaster rides - at Disney, it was especially refreshing because you were standing in line with a few half-couples. And since my ex could not stand roller-coasters, it was one of the few un-tainted attractions of the park.

That way, I somehow managed to escape from my miserable emoptions. At the evening, I was feeling neutral. I was not happy - but then, again, I did not feel the urge to jump from Tarzan's Treehouse in order to end it all, anymore.

But Disney had a reputation to loose. And he was not willing to give up that easily. He was preparing his last stand against me and brought the Mulan Parade into position.

The parade itself was nice. Nothing extraordinary - just nice. However, I won't forget this special parade for quite some time. Because at that parade, I met Zoe.

Zoe is approximately 4 years old and a real cutie. Unfortunately, Zoe had a problem: she was standing in the fifth line to the parade.
If you are four years old, that means that all you can see is other peoples rear ends. If you are tall, and Zoe was not.
I, however, have been tall all my life. Taller than other people of my age, that is. As a grown-up, I measure 6'6" and feel pity for those smaller than me. It must be hard to be trapped at head-height with no overview, no idea what is happening around you, no concept of the surroundings.

Zoe could not express that, but she felt it. Every third millisecond, she was asking her grandma when the parade will start, whether she could see anything and what was happening.
And - most of all - if grandma could take her on her shoulders.
Grandma was very patient with Zoe, but she was not willing to shoulder that extra 40 lbs. any sooner than necessary. In order to distract her for a few seconds, she joked: "*He* should take you on *his* shoulders. He is far taller."
I thought about that for a few seconds. Hey - why not? Somebody is supposed to be happy around here, why not her?
After a few minutes, I asked Zoe if she wanted to sit on *my* shoulders.
At first, she was scared. But her grandma quickly grabbed the opportunity - she introduced us to each other. Since I was not a stranger anymore, Zoe dared to look at the world from an awesome 7'-viewpoint.

She enjoyed it from second one. The nagging ended in an instant. Even better - now *she* had to tell her mom and grandma what was going on around her. Even though she had had to sit still for a pretty long time, there were no complaints at all. Just an exited scruffing through my hair.

The parade ended, I handed Zoe back to her mum and grandma and we were exchanging the usual thank-you-dialogue:
"You are *very* kind!"
"It was nothing." and so on.

Then, I noticed something way down. Zoe was reaching out for me.

I bowed down in order to find out what she wanted...
... and Zoe gave be as much of a bearhug as a 4-year-old is able to give.

And, for a moment, Zoe kept Disney's promise.

It is still a couple's place. But somehow, it does not count as much as it did before.

I hate Disney von Jens Schäfer steht unter einer Creative Commons Namensnennung-Weitergabe unter gleichen Bedingungen 3.0 Unported Lizenz.